My life before Lyme was a flurry of activity; I loved being on the go! I lived a full life and was full of energy and always laughing & making other’s laugh. Here’s a snapshot of my pre-Lyme life:
- Loved my intense career as a special constable with the Saskatoon Police Service in the Comms section (911/dispatch). Or as I like to call us “phone cops”.
- Worked 12 hour shifts: 2 days & 2 nights, 4 days off.
- Continuously volunteered to pick up OT shifts when other platoons were short-handed.
- Coached a youth broomball team.
- Played full-body contact (hells yeah!) senior ladies broomball – competed in weekly league play, yearly provincial championships & national championships.
- Played hockey. (I had taken time off for an MCL tear, but haven’t been able to play now that I have Lyme)
- Trained 4-5 days/week at Nelson boxing club (which was my ultimate happy place; it was my second home).
- Volunteered as a registered boxing trainer & ‘worked the corner’ @ fights for our boxers.
- Volunteered as a board member for a new provincial sanctioning body for boxing, Fight Sport Saskatchewan.
- Worked 2-3 shifts/month doing front desk administration at the boxing club.
- Had a busy night life and social calendar; always going out with friends, co-workers & siblings.
- Loved going to the lake with friends & loved camping, quading & ski-doing with my boyfriend & his family.
- Spent as much time as possible with my big ass family! And baby-sitting my newlings (my word for nieces/nephews) whenever I could!
- Loved going out to the farm as often as possible. Mom has a beautiful yard we love to enjoy in the spring and summer!
- Loved cooking! I loved delivering meals to my family/friends who were new moms, ill or in the hospital, or as a gesture of thanks when someone helped me out.
- Enjoyed travelling, even short road trips. In the 2 years before I got sick I had been to Edmonton (x3), Yellowknife, Vegas, Seattle & Ottawa. And of course to various SK lakes countless times.
- Loved, loved, loved being in the new ‘honeymoon stage’ of our relationship with my boyfriend.
Out of this entire list that was once my life, the only thing I was able to continue doing was coaching the youth broomball team – but only because I had two assistant coaches & an amazing team manager that did the bulk of the work. And to this activity I clung dearly – it was the only recognizable part of my life that was left to me. Even cooking regularly had become too over-exerting.
I thank the stars that I am still with my amazing boyfriend; but that exquisite honeymoon stage we were in had come to an abrupt end and we’ve been over some rocky terrain since. I still go to the lake occasionally but I can’t do much but sit around (which can still be nice!). I go to the farm occasionally, but it’s just not the same for some reason. Something is missing – it feels a bit empty. I think it’s because I feel empty.
I don’t recognize myself anymore; I feel like a shadow, or a living husk of the person I used to be – with all my internal spark and vigour having been sucked out of my core. It doesn’t even feel like I’m in my own body. I don’t like the person I am forced to be. I want to be who I was; I loved being me, but I no longer have a choice.
Lyme has taken almost everything away from me.